Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My cat gives me a boner
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
