I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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