You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
