My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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