Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think people are normalizing furries
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
