Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
