spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
