If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
