you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
