I cannot find my penis.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize