so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
