Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
