I hope mine doesn't look like that
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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