Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
