hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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