I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
