5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
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She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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