So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
