You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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