that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
