I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
