Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you had me at cake vodka
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
