i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
