I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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