I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
