Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
