as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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