god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
