Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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