One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
