I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
