she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
