Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
