i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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