You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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