Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize