Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
