she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
did i just pee glitter
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
