blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
