there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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