Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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