Can i not drive my cunt home
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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