I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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