There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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