Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
