FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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