Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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