lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
