I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
