took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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