Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This house was built for laser tag.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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