just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
