Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
