i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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