I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
