i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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