There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
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Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
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