So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
