I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
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What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
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Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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