you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
