WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my shit smells like andre
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
