How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
