I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can't talk, ducks in the car
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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