i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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