Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
