Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
