I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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