There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
be right there i have to get my cape
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize