Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
