i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
