i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
