i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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