His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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