is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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