I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
