He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
