I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
