A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
