we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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