so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
