I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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